WHY ENCOURAGEMENT: an interview with W. Thomas Smith Jr.

Ten questions on the importance of sincere encouragement in a hyper-discouraging world

By Chris Carter

Military writer and military technical consultant W. Thomas Smith Jr. is not the sort of man most readers might associate with “encouragement.” Or perhaps he is precisely the sort of man we would.

A former U.S. Marine infantry leader and counterterrorism instructor, Smith has spent a lifetime learning about and teaching others how to inspire people to action. Along the way he has discovered two truths: The first being the old adage that “the sharpest edge is made with a blunt whetstone.” Secondly, that “sincere encouragement” as a means of achieving that sharp edge is something of a lost art. Not newly lost. But corrupted over a long period of time.

Recently, I sat down with Smith to discuss his latest work, WHY ENCOURAGEMENT, a simply written booklet explaining the key-life virtue of encouragement: What it is. What it is not. And why and how it is far easier to encourage than it is to discourage, despite what we have conditioned ourselves in default to believe.

CHRIS CARTER: I guess the first question is that which seems to be elicited by your title, WHY ENCOURAGEMENT?

W. THOMAS SMITH JR: Great. Yes. The title isn’t really intended to be a question, but more of a statement. Sort of the why ‘of’ encouragement if that makes sense. First of all, let me explain what encouragement is and is not. Encouragement is defined by most all English dictionaries as the ‘act or action of giving someone support, confidence, or hope.’ It’s actually more than that. But the simple definition is a good start. What encouragement is NOT: It is not hollow flattery. It’s not an empty attaboy to check the encouragement box. Encouragement must be absolutely sincere. Supported by truth and one’s belief in and commitment to that truth.

CARTER: But isn’t that difficult for most people; perhaps awkward or unnatural?

SMITH: Absolutely not. If we think it is, it’s because we’ve become wrongly conditioned to some sort of weird worldview in which we believe it’s somehow better to discourage – or say nothing at all – than it is to encourage.

CARTER: You believe active encouragement is physically and mentally healthy.

SMITH: Well, I’m no psychologist, so my understanding of the power of encouragement is less clinical or scholarly, more experiential. But, yes, I know what I’ve experienced in relationships for the past 60 years. With family. With friends. With co-workers. In competition with competitors of all stripes. In business. In the military. In tough situations. In ordinary life, and in day-to-day interactions with other people. And over the years, I’ve thought quite a bit about these experiences, these personal interactions, and what I’ve read in Scripture. We read in Genesis through Revelation where God encourages us, and He tells us – rather He commands us – to encourage each other. Why? Why would God spend so much time on encouragement and telling us we need to encourage others? That’s the question I started asking myself.

CARTER: So what was the answer?

SMITH: That the active encouragement of our fellow man and woman is perhaps far more important to our mental, emotional, and spiritual health, which translates into our physical well-being, than we might imagine. But somehow – somewhere along the way – we’ve become corrupted in our natural ability to encourage. We’ve somehow twisted ourselves into believing that willfully ignoring someone or cleverly damning them with faint or false praise is easier and safer than it is to sincerely encourage them. Granted, this defies logic. And we would not so easily admit it. But it’s what we’ve become.

CARTER: Why do you say safer?

SMITH: Because I think we believe if, for instance, I commend you for something good you did – or if I commend you too often – I’m giving away too much of myself, or I’m somehow exposing my vulnerabilities. That’s not safe. But that’s also nonsense. If I build you up, no matter how minor that building-up is, I’ve emptied myself of selfishness at that very moment. I’ve poured myself into you. That’s emotionally and spiritually healthy for me. You’ve become stronger for the moment. That’s good for you. Our friendship is strengthened. That’s good for both of us. And there is honest, positive energy going into the future.

CARTER: But how do we encourage? What regular material – if I may put it this way – do we draw from?

SMITH: God provides the way daily. There are opportunities to encourage all the time. I think of all the people I see doing worthwhile things and doing them well. People who dress well, or maybe they’ve prepared a really good meal. Or their presentation at whatever they did or served or explained was good. Or their child was well-behaved. Or they gave me some of their valuable time. Or their car is noticeably clean. Or they did something kind for someone that might’ve gone unnoticed, certainly unrecognized. Or I am simply glad to see them for whatever reason. Or maybe they are simply on the job and working. Maybe I prayed for them, and it might lift them up to know that. Maybe I saw a painting by them that I liked, or an article with their byline that I enjoyed. Maybe I believe in the goodness of the person who I need to inspire, and perhaps I believe in the nobility of what they are doing. Shouldn’t I let them know? These are just some of the very small things that come to mind. The problem is, when the always-obvious opportunity for sincere encouragement presents itself, we reject it. We miss the moment. And what might have been a simple, sincere kind word or gesture is lost. Missing that chance is NOT how we are supposed to live and relate to one another. I talk a lot more about this in WHY ENCOURAGEMENT.

CARTER: But wouldn’t all this seem fake and inauthentic if you are complimenting the same simple things all the time?

SMITH: Yes, of course, if that is one’s approach to encouragement. If a person is encouraging based solely on paying compliments and only on the same things they have already acknowledged, then yes, they are encouraging hollowly. It’s flat. It’s insincere. They’re just paying lip-service. Furthermore, they are neither looking for, nor recognizing, the true good in the other person or the way forward for them. And this, I think, speaks to the corruption and the selfish motivations in our hearts. Also keep in mind, encouragement is not simply commending or complimenting another. It’s being kind to them. Listening to them. Showing them a path to sunshine. Forgiving them if they’ve hurt you. Smiling at them if nothing else.

CARTER: Why is the idea of encouragement so important to you?

SMITH: Many reasons for sure. But perhaps one of the key realities for me is that when you sincerely encourage – not hollow flattery, but sincere encouragement – you are advancing God’s Kingdom from the position of your own piece of spiritually contested ground.

CARTER: So God and the Bible are what’s most important to you?

SMITH: God is everything to me – that is a story in itself – and Scripture is His perfect word to us.

CARTER: What else?

SMITH: Read WHY ENCOURAGEMENT [http://uswriter.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Why-Encouragement.pdf].