8 replies to this topic

[McJulie]

Without going into too much, I've been having "issues" with my sister for quite some time. It's gotten so bad, that since my dad died (2-1/2 years ago), I want nothing to do with her. She has said horrific things about me, and sent me horrific letters accusing me of things that are completely untrue. She even said that my father is "rolling in his grave" because of my actions. The actions she accused me of are completely false and I want nothing to do with her, ever. I don't want her evil in my life.

She used to be my best friend. We talked numerous times every day. We were as close as sisters could be. But that's all changed, and I'm OK with that.

I have totally forgiven her, and I pray for her on a daily basis. However, I still want nothing to do with her, ever.

I don't know the Bible well enough to know if this is acceptable to God. Do I need to try to forge a new relationship with her, seeing as she's my sister? Or, can I forgive her without having anything to do with her ever again?

I'm a bit confused here, as you can tell.

[Grey Mountain]

Julie: Forgiveness is a two-way street. Following are two separate passages of scripture that I use when dealing with this issue:

Matthew 18:15 Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother

Matthew 5: 23 Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee;
5:24 Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.

The scripture from Matthew 18:15 deals with church discipline; however, I believe it can be applied to any situation where there is conflict between two people. In the first instance,
the other party is in the wrong, and we are commanded to go to them with the issue and try to make it right.

The second scripture from Matthew 5 applies when we are in the wrong. In this instance, when we realize that our brother (or sister) has an issue with us, we are commanded
to make it right with them before turning to God with our own offering, whatever that may be, to Him.

Following these two scriptures, both the person who is in the right and the person who is in the wrong ideally should meet halfway, each attempting to make things right.

However, we do not live in a perfect world. Sometimes the other person has no desire or interest in making things right. We have no control over that. We can only control what we do.
I firmly believe that we have absolutely no control over what happens to us; however, we have 100% control over our reaction to those things. If you make the effort and your sister does not reciprocate, there is little you can do. You will have done all you can do, and then leave it.

I then go to another scripture found in Philippians:
4:6 Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.
4:7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

I hear you when you say you have forgiven your sister; however you go on to say you want nothing to do with her. There is still some bitterness,anger and resentment there, and
that will harm no one but you. It isn't easy to forget things that happen to us, but God gives us answers. When you have done everything you can do, then ask for the peace of God
and let Him do His part.

Hope this helps. If you want to share more, I'm here, as are others.

God is good.

Lonnie

Edited by Grey Mountain, 29 January 2012 - 08:15 AM.

[Grey Mountain]

Another thought crossed my mind - it appears that there has been a radical change in your sister's thinking. Could there be a medical reason for this?

Lonnie

[McJulie]

Thanks, Lonnie! I'm not sure if there is something medically wrong with her or not.

Things are finally turning around, and having a relationship with her again would mean letting that back evilness into my life, and I can't do that. Her husband inherited a lot of money from his mother -- a woman that my sister despised -- but yet couldn't wait to get her hands on the money and was willing to do anything at all to get her hands on that money. She was totally consumed with getting that money for years. She even tried to think up ways to steal it from her. The money itself was "ill-gotten" and now that my sister has the money, she is even more evil. That's why I want nothing to do with her. There is no bitterness or anger or resentment. There was in the past, but not anymore. I've moved past that. I just don't want or need her evilness in my life.

[Jack of 32]

McJulie, on 29 January 2012 - 09:06 AM, said:

Thanks, Lonnie! I'm not sure if there is something medically wrong with her or not.

Things are finally turning around, and having a relationship with her again would mean letting that back evilness into my life, and I can't do that. The money itself was "ill-gotten" and now that my sister has the money, she is even more evil. That's why I want nothing to do with her. There is no bitterness or anger or resentment. There was in the past, but not anymore. I've moved past that. I just don't want or need her evilness in my life.

This is from your original post Julie:
"I don't know the Bible well enough to know if this is acceptable to God. Do I need to try to forge a new relationship with her, seeing as she's my sister? Or, can I forgive her without having anything to do with her ever again?"
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Well Lonnie has given you some advice as he sees it from the Bible, which you asked for, and maybe you need to pray about it some more.

I am a born again Christian and not as well versed in the bible as Lonnie or others, so I can not advise you. And I know that you are in a difficult spot being she is your sister and how much you would like to have things right.

Maybe Jack A. will be along shortly and could shed some more thought on this matter for you.

I shall keep you and your sister in our daily prayers and pray our Good Lord will lead you in the right direction.

Respectively,

Jack of 32

[Grey Mountain]

Julie, we are responsible to God for our own actions. I can fully understand your reluctance to participate in your sister's life, given the circumstances you outlined. It appears to me that you have done everything you can do. There is a saying, "I love you, but I don't like you." This means that the love is there, but I do not approve what you are doing. Scripture also tells us, "The love of money is the root of all evil." Familes have been split over this issue since biblical times, and will continue to do so. Another scripture states,"Come out from among them," which means you don't have to participate in anything your sister is doing; in fact, you are commanded not to do so. As Eleanor Roosevelt so eloquently stated many years ago,"No one can hurt your feelings without your permission," or something like that.
You have gone the second mile; the ball is in your sister's court.

Lonnie

[wing]

I have a brother-in-law who is much like your sister Julie. We are caring for my mother-in-law right now who suffers from Alzheimers/dementia, and who recently had to be placed in a group home after she fell and broke her hip. Brother-in-law doesn't want to hear about it...only wants a call when "it's over" so that he can claim his share of what's left. I despise that kind of nonsense, but it is what it is...just as you call it: evil. My prayer is that the last dime she owns is spent just as she draws her last breath...something which will only contribute further to his bitterness. I am reminded of the verse in Scripture which says "If thine eye offend thee, pluck it out for it is better..." It is terribly painful to have a family member with these types of issues, but compromising your spirituality in order to maintain a painful relationship with her will likely not be to your benefit. Prayers for a solution will be said from my end. Good luck...

[McJulie]

Thank you, Jack, Lonnie and Wing! I don't want to compromise myself or my spirituality for her. I can't. I've only recently become better acquainted with God. We found a wonderful Assembly of God church in our town that is very small, but perfect for us. I love Pastor Will and the rest of the worship team, and they've been instrumental in helping us with our spirituality and I absolutely LOVE going to church on Sundays! I've let go of a lot of things in my life that were not what we need in our lives and not what God wanted in our lives. He is now showing us the way He wants us to go and I have not seen my sister in that picture. Maybe someday He will tell me that it's time, and then I will try again, if she has changed. If she remains the evil person she is, there will simply be no place in my life for her. It's a truly sad situation.

Wing, I will add you and your family to my prayers. Thank you all for your help. It means a lot to me!

Julie

[Grey Mountain]

Sounds like a plan. Maturation in Christ is a life-long endeavor. Each step makes us stronger and ready for the next step. I preached a sermon a while back the title of which was,
"If you are worried, then pray"
"And if you have prayed, then why are you worried?"
I will keep both you and your sister in my prayers.

Lonnie